musings

in spite of my best efforts, my new time management plan ain’t going according to plan. perhaps I need to get tougher. as linda keeps telling me, I have to stop giving so much of myself for others. I know that to be true, but I can’t help but feel that’s a little selfish. or possibly self-serving. I’ve always felt, if one can help, than one should. judging by the lack of peace on the planet, the majority of the world doesn’t seem to share that view. perhaps there’s a balance.

got a great new tune - well, I think so anyway. pinny and a couple other who’ve heard the rough vers seem to concur. I’m hoping my long-misplaced wiritng muse may finally be returning. and just in time.

no gigs or other work this weekend, bad for finances but great for getting the rest of the place in order. still trying to get my recorders, computers and monitors to interface seamlessly. tech hell and a tangle o’ spaghetti cables.

back to work.

the house is still. a very slight patter of rain strikes the western windows, lights from passing trucks on the highway flicker against them, illuminating the water streaks.  it is mostly dark, but the dawn peeking over the horizon combined with the stoplights at the intersection give an eerie bluish glow to the sky.

two days ago, there was a family here. now, I am alone. but only in the literal sense. I feel the thoughts, the cares, the love of those close to me, unconditional and eternal. for that, I am eternally grateful.

major house cleaning and rearranging is on the board for the next two days. I’ve been trying to get my head into cubase, as I can’t afford a protools rig at present. but I think cubase will do just fine for what I need. eve from textile audio’s going to walk me through it, I’m so old-school, I feel helpless without faders and knobs. as long as I can capture good performances/sounds and export them into protools for mixing, I’ll be happy.

for now, I’ll keep making do with the digital multitrack for demos. been working with linda mizzi on her new songs, my setup is fine for workshopping the tunes and figuring out what direction they’ll take. songs are often like children, we give ‘birth’ to them, guide and nurture them, but ultimately they’ll be who they are. I enjoy the process of seeing a song come to life.

any sydney readers, I’ll be at the sando pub in newtown this saturday from 4pm with the blues pirates. it’ll be nice to get back there, haven’t been since last year.

other local gigs are opening up now, especially since I’m not tied to the cafe kitchen weekends any longer. life is slowly improving. I’ll finish off some email, then go for my morning walk up to the cliffs to make sure my heart’s still pumping correctly. it’s hard to believe that it’s been over eight years since my heart attack.

it’s even harder to believe that I made it to fifty. yet, here I am.

a day is a long time in a life. big changes. shifting tides.

it’ll all be for the greater good. I’ll keep telling myself that anyway. I’ll see the sparrow flying flawlessly.

more soon.

jamm for genes is now behind me. in many ways, it was hugely successful. the entire event went off without the slightest hitch, technically, staffing, organisationally - in every way. which was amazing in itself. plus, the weather was perfect. lots of kids were here early, the clown, balloons, face-painter etc kept them all placated - which in turn kept their parents placated.

but I’ll admit I was somewhat dissapointed with two aspects. the auction turnout wasn’t nearly as good as I’d hoped for, both in attendance and money raised. I know it’s a recession year and all, but when a celebrity of the calibre of hugh jackman’s print only gets a bid of $2500, that’s a mite under the radar.

the other thing that really bugged me was how few people actually came into the ballroom to hear music . we had a great lineup, really diverse, talented, entertaining and interesting and yet, most people stayed either outside or in the other rooms. I’m not sure if this is yet another aussie “cultural cringe” at work, perhaps if we’d had a few sports heroes or reality tv stars it might have made a difference.

at any rate, I’m feeling that once again, I’ve busted my arse to put on a great music event and not many really bothered to care.

back now to developing my tunes, and have started working with linda mizzi on hers. we harmonize well and are planning some duo gigs around the area soon. thinking I should move the studio into another room but now we have a houseful with the rose & day care kids all returning. may need bill clinton’s help with the negotiations.

got lots of new music discoveries, will post when I get time to collect all the relevant myspace sites etc.

on the eve of my fiftieth birthday, I’m reflecting on the thought that I had long anticipated drafting some well-thought out essay about attaining this calendrial milestone. insights into the vast chasm between being an idealistic young man and a jaded, slightly cynical adult. striking a balance between the dreams and ambitions of youth and the realistic goals of middle age. observations of an age that spanned the death of buddy holly and the birth of hannah montana.

but, I have nothing. it feels like just another day to me. the jamm for genes has taken over so much of my life this week that I really haven’t had a moment to dwell on this day. or perhaps that’s just an excuse.

I vividly recall going to the opening of kubric/clarke’s 2001: a space odyssey as a kid. not being terribly good at math, nonetheless I worked out that I would be forty-one by 2001. I tried to imagine my life then: staid, conservative, “grown-up”. short hair. long standing job/career. family, kids, home, mortgage.

it didn’t turn out anything like that. and I’m honestly not entirely sure that it was for the best.

now begins the countdown.