I’m not really certain what prompted me to start this thing. reading back to my earliest entries, I didn’t have a lot of much substance to say. perhaps I thought that chronicling my life as it evolved may one day have been of interest to someone. perhaps my kids might want to look back upon those halcyon school years and wonder what dad was up to.  or maybe, like so many frustrated authors, it was an easy way to feel “published”.

but as time went along, I found plenty of things to write about, both personal and observational. this past decade, I’ve opened up a fair bit of my world of struggle, turmoil, ups and downs. I’ve chronicled my business forays into cafes and fooderies, commentated on the state of the music biz, dealt with my struggles with depression, waxed and waned on loves found and lost, opened the wounds of my deepest scars and lit up the skies with the joys of my happiest days.

this journal also prompted some interesting comments and feedback - many supportive, but more often not so. I often found my blog being “stalked.” comments about what I’d allegedly postulated returned to me like so many chinese whispers, twisted out of proportion and reinvented. I’d been confronted by a couple of people directly who, for whatever reason, took objection to my prose and felt they had some kind of a right to interfere. I’d been at first praised and complimented on my often rambling essays, then asked to edit or censor certain topics or references.

and so I come to this place, nine years later. facebook and twitter have become ubiquitous in our digital society. I find them adequate for distilling whatever random thoughts I might feel like sharing, or more likely, gig and music bulletins. somehow, a platform such as this now seems somewhat redundant to me. so, for the time being at least, here I shall leave it.

thanks for reading.

which is about the only forward motion in my world of late. since winding things down with the last cafe, the past nine months have been for me, an unprecedented period of stress, turbulence, heartbreak, poor luck, wrong decisions and bad timing. it seems everytime I start to realign myself in a new direction, something keeps appearing to derail plans.

so I walk, sometimes in circles, sometimes in squares. again, I feel I can’t move forward until I’m sure of where ‘forward’ actually is. the songs aren’t coming, and I’m seriously considering shelving the whole album project until such time as I can regain some kind of a normal life. whatever and wherever that might be.

two births today - jamie & stacey here in sydney, and mia & miltie over in essex. congrats, and I do hope this world becomes a better place for you all.

but I’m at a complete standstill with how to move forward. I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt such a deep sense of loss. it’s absolutely crippling. and yet, I must go on. like they say in the twelve-step program, one day at a time. except I get to the end of each day and ask myself, is that all there is?

for the first time in years, I’m at the starting line of resuming my career and life in music. and I can’t take the first step across that line.

like a rolling stone, indeed.

I’d gladly admit that I’m enjoying being back in what’s pretty much been my sydney “home”. walking around to pick up great coffee & food, pub crawls to see friend’s bands and generally enjoying the harbourside once again. but as this is but a temporary stopover, once again I’m looking forward to an uncertain future as far as accom goes.

in the two years since I’ve left the area, rents have skyrocketed and the scarcity of available places invoke shark-feedfrenzies. my best options are to sell/get rid of the bulk of my furniture & cafe goods and get either a small apartment or - gulp… - share a house. I don’t think I’ve shared a house with anyone other than partners/family since I was in my twenties. I’m not sure I know how to.

at any rate, those are the best options. aside from moving back to the mountains, which is still on the agenda but not ideally for now. things are picking up now that I’ve touched ground and there’s plenty to keep me occupied here without throwing in 4 hours of daily commuting.

the other heartwarming incident occured when I’d moved the office stuff over and set up to continue work on a couple of client jobs that were on strict deadlines. the frightening ‘click-clicking’ of my hard drive told me I was in big trouble. a couple days later after procuring new hardware and then trying to find reg keys, passwords, serial numbers etc for the software - I’m back online. sort of.

the blues pirates album launch week is shaping up. from tuesday thru the official launch on saturday, we have five spots at other venues as guests. the swaa tv show aired over the weekend, I didn’t see it but got a stack of text and facebook messages about it. I guess people really do watch channel tvs.

then, my old sunday sessions at the bald rock resume. it’ll take a little while to build it back up again, and it’ll be only monthly for now - but there seems to be a good vibe about it. dropped into a pal’s studio today to hear some of a new album he was tracking, very chris whitley inspired stuff which I dug. not keeping the house now means the new album recording will have to move to someone’s place. which is probably a good thing, all considered.

got some other shows trickling in, firming up a melbourne run for end of aug or early sept. and finalising recording plans. finally. hope to start recording in about two weeks.

whar’s me buccaneers? on yer buccanhead….

jon stewart quipped, “Nashville AND New Orleans? God isn’t the man upstairs so much as the old man downstairs with a broom telling us to turn the music down.” in the wake of tragedy, a little well-intended humour often goes a long way. my thoughts, prayers and best wishes to all in nashvegas. I’ll send a virtual mop and towel, and I’ll see y’all soon.

not only is an opera gig slightly out of my usual canon, but wearing a tux for such events is even more so. unless there’s an open bar like, say, a wedding. after struggling with my necktie, I’d remarked on facebook that I looked like the poster child for homeless penguins. but the day turned out to be more enjoyable than I’d expected, mainly due to the truly wonderful and talented young folks who performed.

my thanks to all involved for a lovely afternoon.

spent today with my publisher going thru my new tunes. he’s pretty happy with the direction and evolution, and I’m feeling much more focused. I’ve got three new songs almost finished, then demos to follow. the bulk of the new album looks ready. I’m getting there.

got the news yesterday that my friend will owsley died. if you’re not familiar with owsley, have a listen. the man was truly a pop genius, up there with alex chilton and matthew sweet. again, yet another reminder of how brief and fleeting our lives can be - and a gentle cue to appreciate those who you have - treasure and love them and keep them near. we may not always be there tomorrow.

linda’s looking into music therapy as a possible career. she’s already joined the steering committee for mental health week and we’re performing at one of the functions in a few months. it’s a logical move for her, something she’d be a natural at as her backgrounds in administration and music would blend well. especially when mixed with her wonderfully engaging and gregarious personality. I’m excited for her and 110% supportive.

on the home front, I’ve got the studio rooms painted and partially set up. only problem is, I haven’t had any time to start any actual work. the easter school holidays were taken up with my son’s visit and trips back & forth to the country. I’ve had two weeks of fill-in’s at the guitar store and a couple of web/graphic jobs that have all but taken up my working hours. hoping after this weekend I’ll be able to spend a couple of days getting the room - and my muse - switched on.

this sunday I’ll have an unusual gig - backing guitar for a friend that’s performing at an outdoor opera show. it’ll be one of the more diverse gigs I’ve done of late. and starting in june, we’re reviving my old sunday sessions at my home pub in balmain.

bring it on…

it was amusing watching his confidence grow with each day until he was greeting people as they came in, “hello, how can I help you?” filled me with mucho pride, it did.

starting to map out a rough tour plan. melbourne & canberra dates for july/aug and festivals for year’s end. doesn’t look like I’ll be getting across the pond for the americana shindig this year. looks like I’ll be shooting for sxsw next march. and yes, for my u.k. fans who keep badgering, england and ireland next year. really. this time for sure.

changes are afoot. it’s finally time to move forward.

where I have landed is certainly nowhere that I’ve ever considered living. I’ve always been, as an old charlie brown cartoon put it, “sydney or the bush”.

I love the inner city. I adore the vibe, the buzz, the energy of being in the midst of a thriving mass of several million. yet, I also long for the country, the peace, the serenity. in an ideal world, I would have two residences - one in the heart of the cbd of a pumping metropolis - and one in a nice rural town, near a good village, where people valued time, conversation and personal worth.

I’ve compromised that ideal. but only temporarily.

the new digs allows me the space and opportunity to get the album finished and move on. it’s also close enough to my old stomping grounds to allow me to re-interact with my old music/arts/lifestyle crew. I’m near, but yet so near.

so, it’s a means to an end. and then, I can finally move forward.